Arranged Marriage in the Chinese Customs: Is it good or bad?

The solidarity of the race is protected, the future of the family financially, and a more comfortable life… Who would not want this kind of fate? 

In exchange of this fortune, would you choose to marry someone you have never even met?

Arranged Marriage in the Chinese Customs: Is it good or bad?

By Anne Katherine Santos

Traditional Wedding Ceremony of Chinese

The solidarity of the race is protected, the future of the family financially, and a more comfortable life… 

Who would not want this kind of fate? 

In exchange of this fortune, would you choose to marry someone you have never even met?

Being tied down to someone you haven’t even met must be displeasing. 

Imagine yourself waking up one day and your parents inform you that you are soon to be someone else’s future wife and or husband… 

 In China, culture is always favored before personal choices.  A son or a daughter of a wealthy family is not allowed to choose who he/she wants to marry.  It is always the decision of the parents. 

Arranged marriage was said to be known during the Warring States period (402-221 B.C.) the marriage is not decided by the child, but rather it was the parent’s decision to choose a worthy wife and or husband for their child.

There are two kinds of arranged marriage. One, the said arrangement of the wedding is set even when the child is not yet born.  So long as both of the parents agreed upon the arrangement.  The second one is the future husband and wife will not yet meet until the day of their wedding ceremony.  

There are many positive sides to arranged marriage.  The solidarity of the race is protected, meaning, there won’t be issues or disagreements between both sides of the family because both came from the same culture.  The future of the family is well financially supported because both families are wealthy.  No one needs to worry of finding cash to pay bills, groceries, and other expenses.  The risk of incompatibility is diminished because they were raised with the same culture, same economic class, religious beliefs, and they speak the same language. 

The disadvantages of being put to an arranged marriage are more on the emotional part of both parties.  Love is held back in fixed marriage situations.  The parents of both parties will advise their child to decide with their head and not with their heart.  It’s like they’re telling their children that love will not make them happy so they will be forced to choose wealth and traditions over love and happiness.  In some situations, both husband and wife learn to love and respect each other, but in some cases, both never learn how to love their partner because of indifferences in qualities that result to problems.  It even comes to a point that the child will blame his/ her parents for making such agreement that the child feels he/she ruined his/her life for not protesting what he/she felt when the parents decided that they will put their child on an arranged marriage.

“Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.” –Jean Kerr